I'm just a silly girl, living in a small-small world. 

A world that used to be big and bright. 

Colorful possibilities exploded in all directions.

Organized chaos, they say, is what happens when a star is born. 

And then, I met my sun. 

And I was subsumed into warmth

and 'we' became brighter.... and bigger... and more. 

But as time passed, 

Your brightness eclipsed mine

And I turned darker, and darker 

no longer needing my own light 

because yours was so shiny. 

Until, I'm just a silly girl, living in a small-small world. 

just dreaming sometimes, 

of colorful chaos.

 

We fight because I nag. We fight because I'm unreasonable. We fight because I keep harping on the same old shit over and over again. We fight because I just can't let it go.

We fight because you don't understand. We fight because I feel like I talk-and-talk-and-talk but no one's listening. We fight because despite the nagging, and the arguing and the crying nothing ever changes.

We fight and we fight and we fight.

Sigh. 

"Well I looked my demons in the eyes

Lay bare my chest 

Said do your best

To destroy me"

So they did. 

Has it only been five years?

That's how long it took to forget who I was.

To become someone I don't recognize when I look in the mirror.

To wonder what happened to the self-I-loved most of the time. Hated-some-of-the-time. But understood, all of the time.

This new person who looks down at me, is strange.

And hollow.

And mired in some sort of residual unhappiness.

This new person is tired. And overwhelmed and generally incapable.

She's scared.

And insecure.

And honestly, I don't like her very much.

Has it only been five years?

That's how long it took to undo a lifetime of becoming me.